The Very Hungry Caterpillar

Remember meticulously watching your parents cut your slice of cake, making sure you are getting your fair share, aka. the biggest piece? Throwing a tantrum when your best friend took that last cherry you have been watching over like a hawk?

I'm getting quite greedy in terms of things I would like to be able to do. 

Envy my friends for the memories they are creating, while traveling the world. Feel like I'm missing out on something, despite being the happiest I have been in years. 

Given the circumstances, a psychiatrist probably would tell me to focus on the things I can do and not plough my energy into comparing my achievements and standards to others. 

Valid point.
But I do think me feeling this way, means I'm closer to getting where I would like to be. I remember the days I literally had to live in the moment, it actually didn't even enter my mind to make plans for the next day. So this is rather an improvement. 

Every now and again I just get frustrated that I have to put so much effort and thought into seemingly simple things. There's no just grabbing my purse and off I go. I joke about not being able to make my own bed as I get too out of breath from spreading out my duvet. And rather wait 20 minutes for the tram, than waste my energy I'd need to walk that one stop. 

Actually there isn't a day that goes by without me actively having to fight not to fall over my own two feet. 

Yet I'm somehow managing to study. And coping. So much better than I thought I would be. 

I enjoy going university to the extent, that I actually get quite excited when packing my bag on a Sunday evening, all ready to start a new week. 

Obviously there have been the odd few Mondays all I've wanted to do is stay in bed and not move. But generally, I even look forward to getting out of the house, when I feel absolutely exhausted after having a rubbish night and a quite rough morning, getting my body to function like I need it to. 

Morning tunes

I'm so grateful for the lovely people I met at university. They don't rush me, when I need a little longer to get from one course room to another, help me carry my bag even before I'm visibly struggling and don't question my ability to keep up with them, rather make it possible. 

Though I believe it helps I don't give them chance to assume "I can't". 

But again, some days I just wish it was a tiny bit easier, I could join in on the nights out and on the weekend trips abroad. 

Sometimes I can't help but wonder if I'm really that close physically or if it's just my head telling me "mind over matter".  

I'm working on catching up, making sure I'm getting my fair share.