...taking steroids!
Not the type Schwarzenegger and Co. take
to help their muscles grow, but the ones that literally eat them away. Make
your face look like a balloon and give you about as much of an immune system as
new born baby has - even leaving you sleep as much as one because you
constantly feel like you’ve been hit by a truck. Add the the patience and mood
swings of a pregnant women to the mix, lean back and enjoy the roller-coaster
ride with all its highs and lows.
I can't dismiss that these nasty little
‘sweeties’ eventually helped to clear the eosinophilic infiltrates in my lungs
and stopped the wicked asthma attacks I had. But there have been phases while
taking steroids where I wasn't sure if the negatives weren’t outweighing the
positives. Especially when I really
wasn't feeling well lung wise and having to cope with stupid side effects on
top of not being able to breathe properly.
This long course of systemic steroids has left me
with weak muscles and bones - but that isn’t something that isn't reversible,
although it definitely will take some time to "heal".
But it's not just the physical damage I'm still fighting with, but with the psychological.
The last two years
not one day has passed, without me having to really push myself to continue taking this (evil) medication. In a way it was in control of me.
I couldn’t just
chuck the pills out of the window when I literally couldn’t face my own face
anymore.
You have to give your adrenal glands time
to wake up again and believe me, they are about as hard to get out of bed as my
teenage sister.
It's been a stressful time and even though it's over now, the feeling of something being stronger than me and my will is still haunting me.
I still relay on a bunch of medication to
help my little and sometimes very tired lungs to do their job and I am helping
my adrenals out with a 'homeopathic' dose of hydrocortisone but I'm over the
moon that I'm finally able to give my body the chance to show me what it's
capable of doing on its own again.
Don't disappoint me.
