I Quit...

...taking steroids!

Not the type Schwarzenegger and Co. take to help their muscles grow, but the ones that literally eat them away. Make your face look like a balloon and give you about as much of an immune system as new born baby has - even leaving you sleep as much as one because you constantly feel like you’ve been hit by a truck. Add the the patience and mood swings of a pregnant women to the mix, lean back and enjoy the roller-coaster ride with all its highs and lows.

I can't dismiss that these nasty little ‘sweeties’ eventually helped to clear the eosinophilic infiltrates in my lungs and stopped the wicked asthma attacks I had. But there have been phases while taking steroids where I wasn't sure if the negatives weren’t outweighing the positives. Especially when I really wasn't feeling well lung wise and having to cope with stupid side effects on top of not being able to breathe properly.

This long course of systemic steroids has left me with weak muscles and bones - but that isn’t something that isn't reversible, although it definitely will take some time to "heal".

But it's not just the physical damage I'm still fighting with, but with the psychological. 

The last two years not one day has passed, without me having to really push myself to continue taking this (evil) medication. In a way it was in control of me.

I couldn’t just chuck the pills out of the window when I literally couldn’t face my own face anymore. 

You have to give your adrenal glands time to wake up again and believe me, they are about as hard to get out of bed as my teenage sister. 

It's been a stressful time and even though it's over now, the feeling of something being stronger than me and my will is still haunting me.

I still relay on a bunch of medication to help my little and sometimes very tired lungs to do their job and I am helping my adrenals out with a 'homeopathic' dose of hydrocortisone but I'm over the moon that I'm finally able to give my body the chance to show me what it's capable of doing on its own again.

Don't disappoint me.