This is my normal.

My normal isn't your normal and that's ok. 

Sometimes my normal means I won't be able to join in when you share your experiences about seemingly everyday things. 

Because my every day, isn't your every day. 

I just can assume what you worry about, but I'm convinced you don't lie awake at night searching for your answers in medical journals. 

This isn't about who's struggles are more valid or who's living the most liveable life. 

I just want you to realise that I am happy even if I do miss out on a lot. 

Please don't tell me what I'm doing is extraordinary and you couldn't do what I do. 

This is my normal. I don't have a choice. 

In fact, I admire you for studying, working two part time jobs, running a household and still having time and enough energy for your friends and a late-night work out. 

A lot of the things I have to do aren't optional, but they do allow me to live and work towards the future I imagine for myself.

I rarely wonder what it would feel like to have a different normal. If I’m going to be honest with you, the thought of being healthy does scare me to a certain extent. I just don't do your normal anymore. 

Of course, there are things I wish wouldn't require as much effort and energy but with a bit of preparation, creativity, help and planning ahead I do make the majority of my plans possible. 

And don't forget I’ve had the time to adapt to my lungs worsening. I still remember how short of breath I used to feel just sitting with double the lung function I have at the moment. Today I often don't even notice that I'm struggling to breathe until you draw my attention to my wheezing and rattling breathing sounds. 

Back when all this started I wasn't always ok, but I did try to pretend I was. I still knew what my normal should have felt like so it was really hard for me to accept anything but my old normal.
Today I rarely lie at you when I say I'm ok. My old normal isn't my normal anymore. 

As long as I'm in a certain range of ok, I will get on with life. 

When I talk about what I have been up to it might not always sound like a big deal or living life to the fullest to you, but it does feel like it to me. 

Actually, some of your crazy adventures sound like a trip to space and landing on the moon to me. Sometimes you do things I don't even dream about. 

My normal just isn't your normal and that means I get to be ok. 

You get to be ok. Even if you are struggling for whatever reason right now.

Just remember one day you really will be ok.